This was a tough week. The camp itself was pretty fun- there were horses to ride, we went on this long hike (i call it the "hike of death" because you were basically climbing/ sliding in the snow and brush straight down a mountain) the hike led to a lake (which I call the "lake of death" because it was melted snow), we went white water rafting, had Bible quizzing, played lots of volleyball, and did a lot of fun activities. And although all these activities were pretty fun, the week still felt like a constant struggle. Our team, as a whole, is pretty dis-unified..and it began to catch up to me and become a real discouragement. I also had a particular girl in my cabin who had a really rough background and had a lot of issues that kept me on my toes chasing after her constantly and kept my emotions on a continual roller coaster. It was tough after having Darrin with us for two weeks- to not have him around to make us laugh, encourage us, and walk through the tough times with us. I missed having him around. He had become such a big part of our team. In my times with the Lord every morning, he (God) felt very far away, which was also discouraging because my need for Him was so great. I know he was not far away, and that I cannot walk through this life with God, basing my relationship with Him on my emotions of whether he feels near or not- but it was discouraging after weeks of hearing him speak to me consistently and feeling him intimately walking through life with me- to have him feel distant and not hear his voice. I missed it; I missed Him.
I didn't think about it, until later when I was talking with Kyle and he said he had experienced the same thing this week and he suggested that maybe it was spiritual warfare.
Despite the struggle of this week, God continues to show me his faithfullness. He continues to answer my prayers in direct ways that encourage me and give me hope. He continues to let me see Him work in my girls' lives. And he continues to fill me with joy and contentment even in the rough times. I talked to people on my team about the dis-unity I felt among our team, and it was met with understanding and kindness. I left Camp Shiloh feeling exhausted, and now, one day later, feel energized and ready for our next group of kids tomorrow. I feel excited for the rest of this adventure of a summer. And most of all, excited and thankful to God for the way he loves me and is faithful to me and for the way I get to walk through this life with Him. It makes life such a joy- so good. So sweet. Seeing Him in the hard times, seeing him answer my prayers when my heart is alligned with His. Seeing Him give me a heart that is present, that loves. Seeing Him be enough for me- for every desire, every need. He is good. And my response is worship and thankfulnness.
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